My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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