i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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