We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
