Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
