you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
