using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
