And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
