these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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