I'm jealous of your bromance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
