you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
