On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
