those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
These tits shall not be calmed
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
