Do you still have your period?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
