the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
