is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
