I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
