He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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