I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
