Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
