had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
