I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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