So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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