You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
