Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
