she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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