Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I understand Curling. That high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
