mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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