i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
