so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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