vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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