My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize