no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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