I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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