But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
