I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
