You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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