just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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