Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
