I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
