You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
