I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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