Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
