dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No I am not eating basil off your cock
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
