Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Even my vagina gasped.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
