please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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