that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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