Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
