Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
