So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
