So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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