Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
