Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
