Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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