i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
