I just made out with a guy for $7.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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