I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize