So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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