They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
