I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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