how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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