and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
