Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
