maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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