well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
