he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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