So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
