I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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