btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
