I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
