I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
