fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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