Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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