maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
