First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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