dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dicks are not precious.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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