I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
