we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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