I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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