he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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