She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
