i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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