toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
