She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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